"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our
weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself
intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." -Romans
8:26
"What am I doing here?"
This one question I have asked consistently since
arriving to California. In my season of doubt, it poured forth as a groaning of
my spirit, asking how this girl wound up in this place, surrounded by
a living Urban Outfitters catalog and wondering when she could jump on a plane
back home.
"What
am I doing here?"
Ah, but
now my mission is clear. I am no longer struggling to find out how I ended up
here. I know the answer: The faithful I AM has brought me here. To worship Him.
To know Him better.
And
yet, the question remains.
Perhaps
it is not so much "what am I doing here?" as much as it is "HOW
am I still here?"
So SO SO
SO many times I wanted to quit. So many times I decided this life--in this
weird, cold alternate universe I was living in--was not worth
hanging around to see what God called me to. If indeed God was even real.
I'm out. Peace.
"How
am I still here?"
As I
came out of my dry and doubting season, I realized that no amount of strength
or persistence or steadfastness on my part has kept me forging forth. I now
know that in my times of doubt, when I decided that I knew better than the
Creator and this was NOT where I was called, in my times of scouring the
internet for plane tickets home "just for fun," a Great High Priest
was pleading for me. He was speaking a secret language with the Father that I
would never be able to express--because my mortal words fail to dictate the
will of God.
And He
who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit
intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.
When I prayed for
redemption from a physical place in my life, the Spirit prayed for my
redemption from the hardness of my own heart. When I prayed to be released by
the Lord, to just have Him let go of me, the Son triumphed in His mighty prayer
next to the right hand of God, "This one has been bought with a price, We
won't let her go."
Therefore
the Son is able to save completely those who come to God through Him, because
He always lives to intercede for them. Hebrews 7:25
Be
encouraged with me.
Whatever
we face, we know that His perfect will for our lives is written in perfect
love.
That His
ways are always perfect, even when our lives aren't.
That He
wants His perfect will for our lives and knows exactly how to, and does, pray
for it.
And that
as we cry out to Him, He is already interceding for us in a way
beyond what we can articulate. He speaks with the same heart as His prayer that
kept Christ on the cross--so that it would be accomplished.
Before the throne of God above,
I have a strong and perfect plea
a great High Priest whose name is
Love
who ever lives and pleads for me
My name is graven on His hands
My name is written on His heart
I know that while in heaven He
stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart
Ruth!!! This seriously spoke so much to my heart this morning and where I am at currently :) Thank you for your words and reminding me of the very truths of God. Can we hang out sometime soon?? I would love to hear more about where you're at and you in general!
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